Many of you do not know that I double (treble even) as a model. that’s right I don’t rock this six-pack just for my health, friends. I put this bad boy to work!
If you’d like to see many poses of me in my superman briefs and other sexy accoutrement, you need only visit this feature on me over at Favorite Hunks. What. Do I look like I’m joking?
I picked up a couple of fancy little rocks at a Mineral store in Seattle. This one pictured below, Ulexite, is a.k.a. TV Rock. You can get an idea from the picture why they call it that: it transmits images. The rock is made up of bundled fibers which act as fiber optics, reflecting light along the fibers from whatever is adjacent the other side. Pretty effing cool if you aks me.
Another thing about ulexite, also cool, it will dissolve in water. Because it’s made mostly of salt!
I took Rosie to a haunted House in Taylor tonight. The Scream Machine. We both were really hoping for a good scare.
We started off walking into a pitch dark room with the door slammed behind us. Rosie squeezing my one hand for dear life I felt along the wall for the way out with the other. I was systematic, rational, not this wall, not this corner, was that a footstep? there’s probably someone in here, they’re going to scare us, okay, not this wall, not this corner, and then my searching hand palmed a cheek. Holy shit! And the room started pitching and yawing and banging. A light went on and there was a dead girl standing in the corner. The light went out. The light came on and she was inches from Rosie’s face. The light went out and came back on and she was inches from mine. The light went out and she was in another corner. Creepy good.
It was quality scary but I was still in control. We walked the labyrinth, black lights, a vortex tunnel (like a cement mixer you walk through, lit black, painted walls, and a bridge in the middle for you to walk on — totally disorienting, makes you want to lean off in the direction of the spin), and creepy guys popped out and screamed at us, but you quickly adapt to that. Then 3/4 through, a grisly room with bloody walls and body parts everywhere, and the strobe light started and two scary things started chasing us and the walls started bending (strobe light) and we couldn’t find the way out then, THEN! my brain started coming loose a little.
That there is my second favorite feeling in the world, when my senses start to fail, when I can’t trust what I’m seeing or feeling, when I know I’m safe but I’m not at all sure what is real, when my environment becomes so startlingly disorientingly confusing that it is all I can do to shuffle slowly forward my eyes peeled a mile wide my hands outstretched waiting for whatever it is next to happen to me. That is total receptivity, that is wideopenness, that is god on the edge right there in a converted retail space in a sad forgotten strip mall next to the Gibraltar Trade Center on Eureka rd. in Taylor, MI. for $15 admission per person.
Short lived as a walk through a haunted house may be, it is probably way better for your brain than LSD. And way legaler.
It’s pretty clear after the last week that among all of the couples I know,which admittedly is a godawfully small sample, we’re really all only in it, men and women alike, for the women. Not to say that we men are total crap, but I think the consensus among us guys would be Yeah, we’re okay. But these women, my god!
Ancient wisdom handed down through the generations proclaims that it shall always be that one individual in a couple is favored by all over the other. I am here to say that sadly this is true. And it ain’t the guy. Women are every time more interesting, more beautiful, more well-adjusted, more articulate, more energetic, more charming…
What has this world done to us men to make us so… awkward? And what would we do without our women to make sure that we maintain social ties? I know what you’re thinking. That the women like the men better and all is right and balanced in the end. But I don’t see it. No, the women are saved by one another. They are living a life of enlightenment and spirit thanks only to themselves, and they are only humoring us so that they can have their babies. It’s a wonder, given all this humor, that serious coitus is ever achieved and we manage to reproduce as a species at all.
So I say unto you, brothers, comrades, fellow ghosts in comparison, the next time you are together with both your woman and your friends look around you. You too will see it. We are outgunned. Outperformed. Outsmarted. Outdone. Outmanned. Know that this is true. Feel your fortune swell by her side. We have married up my friends, and we have done well. And never forget, you men, that we may not look as good standing next to her, but we live a life we never could have earned on our own. For as a sage and married man once told me, it is always better to be lucky than to be better.
It occurred to me today that I’m in a bit of a social bind. On the one hand, I tend to seek out people like myself. On the other, people like myself tend not to like people. It’s going to be a long winter.